Proverbs 17.21, 25
“He who sires a fool gets himself sorrow, and the father of a fool has no joy … A foolish son is a grief to his father and bitterness to her who bore him.”
This topic has been previously addressed several times in Proverbs, and for emphasis Solomon repeats it again twice in chapter 17. A wayward and rebellious child is heartbreaking for parents. Normally, a child brings joy to their parents. But in this circumstance, there is no joy. Look at the words that Solomon uses to describe how parents feel when their child rebels against God’s standards: sorrow, grief, bitterness.
This is how the Lord feels when his people resist and rebel. It is why Ephesians 4.30 says to Christians, “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.”
Proverbs 17.22
“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”
Mental state affects physical state. “Feeling” is something you experience physically as well as emotionally. Solomon paints a vivid picture that contrasts two very different emotional states and thus two very different physical experiences. A joyful heart is like good medicine for the body. It produces positive, productive energy. A crushed spirit, on the other hand, sucks the energy right out of us.
Emotions are a powerful force in our lives. When it comes to shaping our decisions and actions, emotions are a factor that affect us every bit as much as thinking. We have all been in situations when our emotions have energized us to perform with motivation, confidence, and a sense of purpose; and we have all been in situations when we felt demotivated or discouraged or frustrated, and therefore have not acted or performed effectively.
Today’s emotionally demanding and increasingly stressful world requires high levels of emotional management and mental toughness. Therefore, one of the most important disciplines we can learn as Christians is how to manage our emotions. We must not allow our effectiveness for the kingdom of God be diminished by mismanaged emotions.
- Emotions are the great amplifier. They intensify everything they touch.
- Emotions are not neutral. They are either your master or your servant.
- When you are caught in a disruptive emotional state, you decrease your ability to respond effectively to people and circumstances.
- When you are in a productive emotional state, you increase your ability to respond effectively to people and circumstances.
- You must train your brain. Managing your emotions is a learned ability, not an inherited or instinctive one. Developing emotional strength and skill is similar to developing physical strength and skill. It requires time, effort, and practice. It requires disciplined training … musar.
Productive or disruptive
Depending on the situation, an emotion can be either productive or disruptive.
- An emotion is productive if it strengthens you and helps you take effective action, and if it enables you to respond proactively to a situation. Productive emotions are a source of positive energy that empowers you to perform at the upper levels of your potential.
- An emotion is disruptive if it produces an impulsive, ineffective response to a situation. Disruptive emotions are a source of negative energy that hinders you from performing at your best.
The emotions you feed will grow. If you focus on and feed negative or disruptive emotions, they will grow. If you focus on and feed positive and productive emotions, they will grow.
Wise people trust God and do the disciplined training of musar. As part of that training, they learn to feed productive emotions, and they learn not to feed disruptive emotions. As a result of trusting God and building mental/spiritual discipline, this is what scripture says you will experience:
Good medicine (Proverbs 17.22)
Peace (Philippians 4.7)
Contentment (Philippians 4.11)
Inner strength (Ephesians 3.16)
Joy (Psalm 47.1)
Perseverance (James 1.2-3)
We must continually work on our “inner man.” We must trust God and do the work of building mental and spiritual discipline into our life.
“A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” (Proverbs 29.11)
