Proverbs 15.22
“Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.”
Your friends tend to be a good predictor of what you believe and how you will live your life. An oft-used quote says, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” There’s also the derivative, “Show me your friends and I will show you your future.”
Everyone has a circle of influence. That is to say, everyone has people around them who shape and influence what they think and what they do. The circle of influence is a person’s social network. Social networks are very powerful.
People influence people. Whether we like to admit it or not, our friends affect our way of thinking, our decisions, and our behavior patterns. We are shaped by our circle of influence. Everyone is their own person, of course, but research shows that we are more affected by our social network than we think.
In the book of Proverbs, Solomon addresses our friendships and social networks, and he warns against two errors: 1) Being arrogant and thinking you don’t need the input and guidance of wise counselors; and, 2) Listening to the advice of the wrong people. He admonishes us to listen to the wise people in our life. Seek their counsel. Get their perspective. Tap into their wisdom and experience.
It’s also imperative to have discernment and recognize who NOT to listen to. Unfortunately, there are many bad advisers in the world. There are many questionable counselors. Consider 1 Kings 12, where two different groups are advising Rehoboam following Solomon’s death and Rehoboam’s ascension to the throne.
Rehoboam had just been named the king of Israel after the death of Solomon, his father. The people came to Rehoboam and said, “Your father made our yoke heavy. Now therefore lighten the hard service of your father and his heavy yoke on us, and we will serve you.” He said to them, “Go away for three days, then come again to me.” So the people went away. (1 Kings 12:3-5)
Obviously, Solomon had been a very wise man and a very effective ruler. However, he was not without his flaws. Also, Solomon’s wisdom did not reside exclusively with himself. Solomon had wise counselors around him, and those are the first people that Rehoboam went to consult after hearing that the people wanted a lighter government than Solomon had put on them.
“Then King Rehoboam took counsel with the old men, who had stood before Solomon his father while he was yet alive, saying, “How do you advise me to answer this people?” And they said to him, “If you will be a servant to this people today and serve them, and speak good words to them when you answer them, then they will be your servants forever.” (1 Kings 12:6-7)
Rehoboam, lacking discernment, rejected the advice of the elders, and he sought the counsel of his younger friends.
“But he abandoned the counsel that the old men gave him and took counsel with the young men who had grown up with him and stood before him. And he said to them, “What do you advise that we answer this people who have said to me, ‘Lighten the yoke that your father put on us’?” (1 Kings 12:8-9)
These young men had neither the experience nor the expertise to help Rehoboam make wise decisions. Despite their ignorance, they had a strong opinion about what taxation policy Rehoboam should use.
“And the young men who had grown up with him said to him, “Thus shall you speak to this people who said to you, ‘Your father made our yoke heavy, but you lighten it for us,’ thus shall you say to them, ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s thighs. And now, whereas my father laid on you a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke. My father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with scorpions.’” (1 Kings 12:10-11)
It’s a bad combination: inexperience + ignorance + arrogance. These young friends did not tell Rehoboam what he needed to hear; they told him what he wanted to hear. Sadly, Rehoboam listened to the advice of his buddies, and the result was a disaster that affected Israel for generations — and millenia — to come.
Who do you surround yourself with? Who are your advisers? From whom do you seek counsel? Who is in your circle of influence?
More tomorrow …
