Proverbs 25.9-10
“Argue your case with your neighbor himself, and do not reveal another’s secret, lest he who hears you bring shame upon you, and your ill repute have no end.”
This follows on the heels of the previous proverb. They both inform wise people about how to deal with problems and disputes with a neighbor. The advice here is to speak directly to your neighbor and share your concerns and issues without going public.
The simple point is don’t gossip, which is a command we saw earlier in Proverbs:
“Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent. Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.”(Proverbs 11.12-13)
Wise people don’t gossip. They don’t talk about people, they talk to people. A wise person might hear or know something about someone, but they don’t share it with others. They keep it to themselves.
Gossip divides relationships and destroys trust. The pain associated with gossip is felt long after the words are spoken. The book of James makes a very straightforward declaration against gossip: “Do not speak evil against one another, brothers.” (James 4.11-2)
To “speak evil” against another person is a very serious thing. Slander refers to critical derogatory speech directed against others. James calls it “speaking evil” because it originates with the enemy. Speaking evil is what Satan does. In fact, the Greek word for devil is diabolos, and it means “slanderer.” When we slander and gossip, we are doing the work of the devil.
James calls out this sin because it has the evil motive of disparaging a person’s character or position. Even if a negative story is true, it does not give us the right to say it. The point is that when we make disparaging comments, we are acting as if we are superior to the other person (what James calls judgment) so that, as even the very form of James’ verb suggests, we ‘talk down’ to them.
Defamation is forbidden not only as a breach of truth or a breach of love, but also as a breach of humility. There is a lot of gossip in our world today. Don’t be part of it.
Here are four steps for avoiding slander, gossip, and disparaging comments about others.
1) Talk to people, not about people. Talking about people who are not present to represent themselves is not only unhealthy, it is cowardly.
2) Before you say something about another person, Press Pause and use this three-fold test: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it helpful? If it doesn’t pass the threefold test, don’t say it.
3) Redirect gossip and disparaging talk into prayer. When you feel the urge to say something disparaging about someone, shift your focus into prayer on behalf of the person.
4) Stay humble and remember that you also have flaws. As Jesus said, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will be able to see clearly to help the other person take the speck out of their eye.
