James 1.19
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
James 1.22
“But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.’
Let’s combine these two verses with a focus on improving the way we communicate and connect with others. Let’s commit to the disciplined process of making James 1.19 the way we interact with people. Not a simply doctrine to be affirmed, but a spiritual discipline to be practiced.
Do the following today and the rest of the week:
1) Be intentional about talking less and listening more. Give people (at work and at home) your full attention and focus on what they have to say. Set aside your agenda. Be curious about others. Ask questions. Find out what people think and what they have experienced. When you feel the urge to talk, use it as a signal/trigger to be quiet and listen. Elevate your awareness that you are obeying a biblical directive to “be quick to hear and slow to speak.”
“Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” (Proverbs 29.20)
There are times when you are engaged in conversation that you lose focus. Your mind drifts and you get distracted. When you recognize this happening, press pause and refocus. Pray and ask the Lord to help you focus on and listen to the person.
2) Be intentional about managing your anger/frustration. If you experience a surge of anger or frustration about someone or something, press pause and think. Reflect on James 1.19. Use the verse as purposeful self-talk. Tell yourself to “be quick to hear, slow to listen, and slow to anger.” Give the verse—not your anger/frustration—primacy in your mind and heart.
“Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.” (Proverbs 14.29)
3) Pray and ask the Lord to calm your mind. Don’t fixate on what frustrates you. Mentally step away from the situation and give yourself space, and then focus on what action you need to take in response to the person or situation.
“A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” (Proverbs 29.11)
It is very important to recognize that these steps are mental disciplines, and the key is where you choose to focus your mind. To be a great listener, you must focus your mind on the other person and on what they are saying. If you focus on yourself, you will not be a good listener, and you won’t connect.
To listen, you must manage your emotions. Focusing on what irritates you simply feeds disruptive emotion, distorts what you see, and limits what you hear. Staying focused on the other person locks you in and connects you to what they are saying and how they are feeling.
This is why scripture repeatedly instructs us to renew our minds and “rule our spirit.” One of the most important decisions you make every day is what to focus on and give your attention to.
“Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.’ (Proverbs 16.32)
These are practical steps that all of us can take in order to be doers, not just hearers, of the Word as we deal with day-to-day realities at work and at home. What you will discover is that listening is hard, and real listening is real hard. It takes work. Same for managing your emotions.
But this is the whole point of what James is saying. People who hear what the bible says but fail to apply it to their lives are self-deceived. They agree that the bible speaks truth, but they are unwilling to do the hard work of application, so they make excuses and try to rationalize.
“Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!” (Psalm 141.3)
Coram Deo
