Proverbs 29.11
“A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.”
Yesterday we considered two action steps for improving the way we listen:
1. Be intentional about talking less and listening more.
2. Be intentional about managing your anger/frustration.
Here is a third discipline that will help you become a better listener: Pray and ask the Lord to calm your mind. Don’t fixate on what frustrates you. Mentally step away from the situation and give yourself space, and then focus on caring, listening, and seeking to understand.
“The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4.7)
It is very important to recognize that these steps are mental disciplines, and the key is where you choose to focus your mind. To be a great listener, you must focus your mind on the other person and on what they are saying. If you focus on yourself, you will not be a good listener, and you won’t connect.
“Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.’ (Proverbs 16.32)
To listen, you must manage your emotions. Focusing on what irritates you simply feeds disruptive emotion, distorts what you see, and limits what you hear. Staying focused on the other person locks you in and connects you to what they are saying and how they are feeling.
This is why scripture repeatedly instructs us to “rule your spirit.” It is why scripture instructs us to “be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers.” One of the most important decisions you make every day is what to focus on and give your attention to.
Here again are the three action steps:
1. Be intentional about talking less and listening more.
2. Be intentional about managing your anger/frustration.
3. Pray and ask the Lord to calm your mind.
These are practical steps that all of us can take in order to be doers, not just hearers, of the word as we deal with day-to-day interactions with people at work and at home. What you will discover is that listening is hard, and real listening is real hard. It takes work. Same for managing your emotions.
“Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!” (Psalm 141.3)
The Lord is calling.
