Proverbs 31.10
“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.”
“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.” (Proverb 12.4)
As we saw yesterday, the Hebrew word for “excellence” in both of these verses is hayil, which has a wide variety of meanings, including strength, might, power, wealth, courage, skill, and virtue. It is a very robust word that is rich in significance.
The Lord calls us to be hayil in our relationships. That is, the Lord calls us to relational excellence and skill in the way we respond to the people in our life. He calls us to be uncommon in the way we interact with each other, especially in marriage and in the Christian fellowship. When someone (man or woman) acts with “excellence” toward their spouse, they are “a crown” to the other person in the relationship. But when someone acts with “shame,” they are like “rottenness in the bones” to the other person in the relationship.
It is a core principle of E+R=O. The way you manage the R affects the people around you. Your R is deeply personal, but rarely private. Your R is an E for others. Thus, the Lord admonishes us to be excellent—hayil—in the way we go about our relationships.
Keep in mind that hayil is something you must develop through the powerful combination of trusting God and doing the work of disciplined practice (musar). If you want strong, healthy relationships in your life, you must commit to the process of developing skill and building and cultivating those relationships.
Again, it is a core principle of The R Factor. You don’t get the relationships you want, you get the relationships you build. Everyone wants great relationships, but not everyone is willing to do the work required to build them.
We do not live or work in isolation. Much of life is shaped by how we relate to others and how others relate to us. Nearly everything we do requires that we respond to people with hiyal … that is, relational excellence and skill.
Family is about relationships. The quality of your family life is determined by your hayil (relational excellence and skill) in responding to your spouse, children, parents, and siblings.
Business is about relationships. Your effectiveness in business is determined by your hayil in responding to colleagues, customers, and clients. This is especially true if you are a leader. The higher you get on the org chart, the more important your relational excellence becomes. Just last week I told a business client: “In the markets you serve, your company must be technically sound and relationally elite.”
School is about relationships. The quality of your educational experience is determined by your hayil (relational excellence and skill) in responding to your teachers and classmates. If you are a teacher or administrator, the same for you toward students and colleagues.
Athletics is about relationships. The quality of your sports team is determined by your hayil (relational excellence and skill) in responding to your coaches and teammates. If you are a coach, the quality of your team is determined by your skill in relating to your athletes, their parents, and coaches on your staff.
The same pattern holds true for friendships, ministry, and community. Success in those domains requires hayil—that is, relational excellence and skill.
Invest the time and build the skill for strong relationships in your life. Develop and apply hiyal in how you interact with and relate to people at home and at work. Great relationships don’t just happen; they are the result of trusting God, doing the work, and building the skill.
“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5.11)
