Proverbs 27.9
“Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.”
True friends seek your best interest. Because of that, they offer advice and counsel that is insightful and helpful. The word in this verse for “earnest” counsel comes from the Hebrew nephesh, which means “spirit” or “life.” This describes a friend who encourages and empowers you by speaking truth into your life.
It is helpful to keep in mind that the English word “encourage” means “to give strength of heart” to someone. That is precisely what this proverb is talking about. A true friend encourages you. Also keep in mind that “discourage” means “to take away strength of heart.” False friends are discouraging … they take away strength of heart.
It is a fundamental principle in all relationships: What comes from the heart touches the heart.
We can’t give what we don’t have. To encourage someone else — that is, to give strength of heart to another person — requires you to have strength of heart yourself. The wise person speaks from a wise heart, and their counsel is therefore gracious and helpful. They encourage the hearts of others. Their words help and heal.
The foolish person speaks from a foolish heart, and their words are therefore damaging and harmful. They seek to tear down, criticize, manipulate, and deceive. They don’t want to help, they want to hurt. Their comments are discouraging and do damage to others.
We are in serious need of relational commitment and discipline in our society. This is true in organizations, families, and in the Christian community. In order to successfully navigate the challenges we face in the years ahead, we must operate from a foundation of deep commitment, effective communication, and uncommon collaboration.
Everyone wants great relationships, but not everyone gets them. Why is that? Because you don’t get the relationships you want; you get the relationships you build. How people respond to you is largely driven by how you respond to them. If you want to improve any relationship in your life, the place to begin is with yourself.
When it comes to relationships, we often want more than we are willing to work for. Sometimes our desire for quality relationships is greater than our willingness to engage in the hard work necessary to build them. When this happens, our relationships fall short of their potential. Or worse, they become difficult and painful.
Give your heart to the Lord, and then share your heart with other. Remember: what comes from the heart, touches the heart. Trust God, do the work, and be a faithful friend.
“Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find?” (Proverbs 20.6)
