Proverbs 30.21-23
“Under three things the earth trembles; under four it cannot bear up: a slave when he becomes king, and a fool when he is filled with food; an unloved woman when she gets a husband, and a maidservant when she displaces her mistress.”
Here are some additional thoughts about the third unbearable situation … when an “unloved” woman gets a husband. As mentioned yesterday, the Hebrew word translated “unloved” is very misleading. It is the words sane, and it means “to hate.” The King James does a better job of translating this word when it says “odious.”
In other words, this particular woman is hateful and bitter. She is not going to make a good wife. The description applies equally to a bitter man who seeks to get married. He will not make a good husband.
Bitter people enter marriage for the wrong reasons and with unhealthy motives. Unfortunately, they tend to hide their motives and bitterness during courtship. But when they get married, their true character becomes all too evident. Because of that, they make their spouses and families miserable. Such people do not need a spouse; they need deep and profound transformation in attitude and behavior.
Possibly you have seen husbands or wives who have a bitter spirit. I certainly have. They are constantly nagging, criticizing, and making disparaging remarks to and about their spouse. They want control of the relationship and get angry quickly when they don’t get what they want.
The heart of the problem is that they are dangerously self-centered, and that makes them a disaster in a relationship.
Scripture warns against bitterness. Hebrews 12:15 says, “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.”
It’s instructional that the root of bitterness not only causes trouble for the bitter and cynical person, but also causes problems for the people who have to interact with and are influenced by the bitter person. The passage says “many become defiled” by this bitter spirit.
It is likely that the Hebrews passage is a reference to this passage from the book of Deuteronomy:
“Beware lest there be among you a man or woman or clan or tribe whose heart is turning away today from the Lord our God to go and serve the gods of those nations. Beware lest there be among you a root bearing poisonous and bitter fruit, one who, when he hears the words of this sworn covenant, blesses himself in his heart, saying, ‘I shall be safe, though I walk in the stubbornness of my heart.’ This will lead to the sweeping away of moist and dry alike.” (Deuteronomy 29:18-19)
The source of the poisonous and bitter is someone who walks in the stubbornness of their heart. They are self-centered, angry, bitter … and they don’t care. The foolishly think they are safe. This matches with the man or woman in our Proverbs passage who is sane, and then carries that bitter spirit into their marriage, family, and community.
They are unbearable.
