Proverbs 20.5
“The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.”
This proverb uses the analogy of “deep water” to describe the challenge of listening deeply and gaining access to the thoughts and feelings of a person’s heart. It is a powerful analogy, because deep water is difficult to explore without the proper tools and the skill to use those tools effectively.
The Hebrew word for “understanding” in this passage is tebunah, which carries the idea of clear perception and discernment, as well as the skill necessary to be discerning. Tebunah is a fundamental discipline at the heart of elite listening.
When I read this proverb, I immediately thought of the Mariana Trench, which is located in the Pacific Ocean and is 36,000 feet below sea level. It is the deepest underwater location on the planet. To put it in perspective, the Mariana Trench is more than a mile deeper than the height of Mount Everest.
The Mariana Trench is home to some of the most unique lifeforms on earth. But until scientists were able to develop underwater probes and submersibles capable of withstanding the pressure at that depth, we had no idea what kind of creatures lived there. Without the knowledge and skill to develop and deploy the proper tools, we were unable to explore the deep water of the Mariana Trench.
The same holds true for interacting and engaging with people. It takes great discernment and skill (tebunah) to discover and draw out the content of a person’s heart. It takes great insight, understanding, and listening to discover what others really think and how they really feel. Only a person who has developed tebunah will have the willingness, patience, and skill to draw out someone’s deep thoughts.
Most people only look in shallow water. They don’t have the patience or wisdom or listening skill to go deep with people. Often it’s because most people lack the courage and wisdom to go deep with themselves.
Our hearts are deep chambers. God made us that way. We were created to love, hope, and feel deeply. However, sin has wounded us. It has damaged our hearts. We try not to feel as much because sometimes it hurts. We’re less open because we aren’t sure we will be accepted. We fear, so we hide it away in the depths of our hearts.
This proverb instructs us on the importance of being around people of understanding. We need people in our life who are filled with God’s Spirit and tebunah, and who are able to draw out from us the deep waters of our soul.
At the same time, we also should strive to become this kind of person. This was my purpose for writing this series on listening. We need to trust God and do the work to build tebunah into our lives … to develop open hearts, disciplined minds, and the listening skills necessary to dig into and draw out the depths of the hearts of the people we love.
Make no mistake: Exploring the deep waters of the heart is a scary thing to do. Jeremiah 17:7 tells us that our hearts are deceitfully wicked above all things, so there is no telling what things might come up when we begin to plumb the depths of our hearts and the hearts of others.
We should love one another enough to pray for God to use us in each other’s lives to draw out what is in our hearts. As we do this, we do it with great hope because we know that no matter what sins or fears are exposed, the love and the grace of God can cleanse them all and replace them with the promised fountain of Christ.
Doing this isn’t easy! There are layers to what someone is thinking and feeling, and to actively listen requires peeling back the layers. That kind of listening is difficult and time-consuming work! If you want to listen in a godly way, you must build tebunah into your life … a patient spirit, a listening ear, an open heart, and a disciplined mind.
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” (James 1.19-20)
The Lord is calling.
